just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
