doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
