she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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