You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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