I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
