Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
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You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
