theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
