Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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