are you still at the devil's house?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
