STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
