it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
do nipples grow back?
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