I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
