But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize