Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
