That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
