Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
