so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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