thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
