Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
