i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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