Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize