We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize