Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
