....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize