gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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