I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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