Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
