There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize