She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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