Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
