Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
