Is it because I queefed?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
