I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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