So drunk its hurt
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
