I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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