I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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