You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
