I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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