Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
