Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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