ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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