Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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