Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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