you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
