My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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