Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
