OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
