it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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