i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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