i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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