So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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