Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
