Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
