Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
