apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
