Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
