the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
