eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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