i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
