he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
