my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
