How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
