i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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