So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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