you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
