We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
