Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
