my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
